


Too Dark for me to See

by fellintothesun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka is Gay, Albinism, Alderaan, Cal Kestis - Freeform, Cody - Freeform, Dealing with PTSD, Dogma - Freeform, Echo - Freeform, Empire, F/F, Fulcrum, Girls Kissing, Gray Jedi, Jedi, Jedi Temple Bombing, Jesse - Freeform, Kix - Freeform, Lesbians, PTSD, Padawan, Padme Amidala - Freeform, Rebel pilot - Freeform, Rebels, Sapphics, Slow Burn, TCW, The 501st - Freeform, The Clone Wars - Freeform, The Jedi Council - Freeform, The Jedi Kinda Suck, The Rebellion, The Wolfpack - Freeform, Trauma, Umbara arc, War flashbacks, ahsoka is so gay in this i’m not kidding, ahsoka turns her good, aka the best time of star wars, artoo has anxiety, barriss offee - Freeform, bo-katan - Freeform, cal is mentioned, did i mention ahsoka is gay, fives, fulcrum trio, hardcase - Freeform, hondo - Freeform, inquisitor - Freeform, jedi fallen order, kinda unfair how lux bonteri got to kiss her and i didnt, leia and ahsoka know eachother, maybe a little spicy, mildly slow burn, original character has albinism, padmes grave, redemption arc, the imperial era, this is kinda gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24816211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellintothesun/pseuds/fellintothesun
Summary: A new shadow, an old friend, a tired girl.ahsoka doesn’t realize she’s falling in love with her enemy.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano/Original Character(s), Ahsoka Tano/Original Female Character(s), Kaeden Larte/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

‘acceptance’

When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud  
And goes down burning into the gulf below,  
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud  
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know  
It is the change to darkness in the sky.  
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,  
One bird begins to close a faded eye;  
Or overtaken too far from his nest,  
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif  
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.  
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!  
Now let the night be dark for all of me.  
Let the night be too dark for me to see  
Into the future. Let what will be, be.'

-robert frost


	2. darkness on umbara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda fast paced really just cause i wanna get to the gay stuff ahaha 
> 
> 10k words (chapters will be shorter in the future, this is especially long cause it’s setting everything up)
> 
> this is 100% inspired by a tiktok by froggggie called “outfits i’d wear if i was ahsokas sith rival turned lover”. i asked if it was okay to write this and they said yes! shout out to alex on twitter for listening to me rant about all my ideas and helping me round it out! 
> 
> this is the link to the tiktok (idk if this is gonna work haha) but watch it to have a better idea of what our OC looks like! (and an insight on some stuff that MIGHT happen throughout the fic) https://vm.tiktok.com/JJQSW9h/
> 
> okay sorry this is annoying i’ll go now

ahsoka has never been on umbara before, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t heard every detail of the battle of umbara, and all the men they had lost. she vividly remembers seeing rex for the first time since the 501st took the capital, he was more exhausted than usual, and she sat with him for almost two hours in the jedi temple on coruscant as he explained to her what happened. ahsoka remembers anakins fury when he heard what pong krell had done, she remembers the faint look in dogmas eyes, the haunted glances between fives and jesse...war was never easy, but this mission was clearly different. she was so young then, and it was hard to look back on those simpler days (even though at the time, she wouldn’t have described them as simple). now, nearly six years after the battle of umbara, ahsoka found herself on the dark planet for the first time. 

the empire has been terrorizing the galaxy for three years, and ahsoka has been apart of the rising rebellion for two. being only 20, a veteran of the clone wars, and at her prime physically, she’s an incredible asset to bail organa’s cause, and she’s happy to be. 

the umbarans are far more advanced than any other known species in the galaxy, and after the clone wars ended, the locals were able to rebuild what the republic destroyed. it was strange to fight in the devastating aftermaths of what ahsoka helped create, she looks at what the republic did to some of these small systems and wonders if they were in the right after all. regardless, that’s not what she was fighting for anymore, but when she got the transmition titled “fulcrum” from bail for this mission, she knew it wouldn’t be easy. she’s being asked to find an old weapons refinery, and report back to the rebellion on its condition, they’re hoping it isn’t occupied, but by the current looks of the mission so far, ahsoka is feeling unlucky. 

\- [ ] the planet was dark, and it was hard for her to see much, the only light being dim, bioluminescent plants. she was tempted to use her lightsabers as lumination, as white blades are far brighter than any other color, but she didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention. these new sabers finally had proper hilts, curved ones like the blades asajj ventress once weiled. she rather liked this new design, it’s was unique and unlike any she had used before, and they were more comfortable in her hands than a rod hilt. these lightsabers that remind her of Raada, and kaeden larte. kaeden who is now on alderaan, working for the secret rebellion party on the core planet, her sister miara was training to be a rebel pilot, and ahsoka missed them. she’s been seeing them less and less recently, losing track of how many cycles is been she last saw them. ahsoka had deeper feelings for kaeden, and everyone could see it, but as she got more involved in the rebellion, she had to distance herself from the only person she’s ever felt that way about, and saying it was hard is an understatement. kaeden understood, and maybe it was a good thing that they hadn’t seen one another in a while. she finally understood why the jedi order forbade attachments, and wondered how anakin was able to do it...it explained a lot about him, actually. 

ahsoka was approaching the refinery, and was on guard, she didn’t know what to expect and it was far too easy to get here. staying in the shadows, ahsoka got closer. so far there was no sign of the umbarans, and before she knew it, she was up against the industrial building. using the force, she jumped up to a ledge where a window was, looking into the building, but not seeing anything. she frowned when she realized the glass was virtually unbreakable, there would be no way for her to get in undetected in the event that the locals were present. ahsoka jumped down from the ledge and ran against the side of the refinery, searching for an entrance of some kind, but was unsuccessful. she continued looking, still not finding any umbarans, and just when she thought it would be safe to break a window to enter, she was startled by a yell and then the sound of a blaster firing. suddenly, she realized she had be shot, just barely knicked in the left thigh, but still stinging into her skin. she suppressed a cry, and turned around to see an umbaran who looked just as startled as her. 

“i really wish you hadn’t done that...” she sighed and ignited her lightsabers. the umbaran dropped their blaster and began to run, ahsoka sighed in relief, looking down at her fresh wound. it was minor, she would be alright, but she knew that umbaran would come back with friends, so she needed to work quickly. this mission was no longer a stealth adventure, and she quickly jumped up to the closest window ledge, using her lightsaber to break the glass before jumping down into the refinery. 

old equipment sat dormant, but it was efficient and advanced, the rebellion could use some of it. she walked around the machinery, using her blades as light and taking mental notes to add into her fulcrum report. the ground was covered in vines and leaves, she was suprised at how quickly it had become overgrown. 

by now she could sense around 17 umbarans coming towards her, and she knew it was time to go. before exiting the way she came, she found an old dust cover, shaking it off and ripping a strip to tie around her wounded leg, clotting any flow of blood to the fresh opening. 

as soon as she was out of the refinery, she began to run, using the force to outrun the angry umbarans headed in her direction, she pulled out her comlink and called R2, informing him that she was finished and would meet at the rendezvous point soon. she was always happy when bail organa would allow him to go with her on missions, R2-D2 is her oldest friend. 

when she felt safely out of reach from the group of umbarans she stopped to catch her breath, sitting up against one of the alien flora. she closed her eyes and rested for just a moment, despite the darkness and heavy history, umbara was relaxing. the air was crisp, and it was quiet, she soaked in the short moment of serenity before standing up and moving on. she was looking down, and that’s why she didn’t see the graves at first, and what urged her to look up was a thick shift in the force. 

ahsoka couldn’t believe her eyes, she looked in shock, horror, fear at a mass grave. it wasn’t just any grave, no, it was the grave of clones. she stood in absolute confusion. her heart rate rose, and her head began to hurt. slowly, she walked towards the scattered pile of armor. there had to be at least 200 clones in the ditch. ahsoka kneeled in front of them, shaking. she knew many had died, but not this many. not so many that they couldn’t give them a proper burial. she placed her hand on a helmet, swiping her finger across chipped blue paint. 

“the five-hundered and first...” she whispered, looking up to see that all of the pieces of armor had old blue paint on them. what was happening? every loss, every failure, every death from the clone wars rushed to her memory. she cradled the helmet, and began to cry. cry? ahsoka hadn’t cried about the clone wars in almost three years, she thought she was healing. she tried to stop, but couldn’t stop hearing the cries of dying clones. the force was heavy, and tired here, and it was affecting her in a way she had never experienced before. “i’m so sorry” she said to the empty sets of armor. “anakin and i should’ve been here, we could’ve saved you.” she yelled. “i’m sorry.” her sobs were loud, and she felt horrible. ahsoka tano blames herself for every single one of their deaths, even though it was nearly six years ago. she cried into the cold helmet, maybe it was okay that she was doing this, she doesn’t give herself enough credit for what she went through. 

after a somber moment, the togrutan girl stood up on shaky legs, taking one last look at the helmet before dropping it by her feet. it wouldn’t be long before the crowd of umbarans would find her here. she took a deep breath and wiped away salty tears from her orange cheeks. crying was never talked about in the jedi temple, your emotions were always to be ignored, and it wasn’t until recently that ahsoka realized how dangerous that was for young kids to be discouraged to share their emotions. she has known for a while, however, that the jedi were not the saviors she grew up believing. walking away from the only family she ever knew was the hardest thing ahsoka ever had to do, but it also taught her more about the real world than the order could’ve ever done. life isn’t just peacekeeping, masters and kyber crystals. when you don’t have the big title and army behind you to protect you from the galaxy, it’s a lot harder to get by. seeing the destruction the republic did on the galaxy from a neutral point of view has been horrifying for ahsoka.

but that doesnt mean she doesn’t miss anakin, obi-wan, rex, padme and everyone else. 

it took a few minutes for ahsoka to fully slow her breathing and calm her racing heart. she took one final look at the mess of blue and white armor, nodded in respect and moved on. she knew artoo was probably waiting for her at the rendezvous point and she didn’t want to keep him waiting. ever since he lost anakin, the little astromech gets more anxious waiting for their human counterpoint. she first noticed it when Bail didn’t return to alderaan for several days after he said he would. he had been on a very confidential rebellion mission, and his anonymity was essential, and if anyone had scanned the well known alderaanian R2 unit, who knows what the empire would’ve done to the planet. it was a few months after the liberation of raada, and ahsoka was on the mountainous planet looking after kaeden and her people. since then artoo has continued to show signs of separation anxiety and distress, it makes ahsoka truly wonder what happened to anakin when she was on Mandalore and Obi-wan was on utapau.

Ahsoka was nearing her ship when she was suddenly pushed to her knees by the force. her fight or flight instinct was immediately triggered, and she turned over her should to see a dark body walking towards her. “an inquisitor?” ahsoka blinked, the darkness of umbara was not helping in this situation. 

“no...” the body replied, igniting a blood red saber, “something much, much worse.”


End file.
